MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT OF GREAT CONSEQUENCE TO THE US PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION

JAMES SPRAGENS ANNOUNCES HIS ENDORSEMENT BEFORE A SALIVATING MEDIA CRUSH

It is under not a little duress that I announce my endorsement in the 2008 US presidential election.  I was assured by Gen. Powell that he would await my pick before making up his mind, but he has rashly decided to appear on Meet the Press tomorrow to make his choice known. 

Poor form aside, I want Colin to know that I still hold him in high regard and will let bygones be bygones.  This will come as no surprise to him as he has remarked in in front of witnesses who came and told me many times that I am nothing if not magnanimous. 

Colin, if you’re reading this– and I know you will because your Blackberry goes crazy every time I post– don’t worry.  I’ll get over this slight.  You’ll get yours… on the links, you son of a bitch!

OK, here goes.  No more suspense.  In the 2008 election to determine who shall govern these United States… drumroll please… I am casting my lot… still with the drumroll please… with the young man from Illinois, Senator Barack Omama!  Yay!  Fanfare!  Fanfare!  Fanfare!

Let the pundits argue over the incalculable effect this will have on the election.  But, permit me if you will, to offer this:  don’t be surprised if the double-digit polling advantage doesn’t hold for Sen. Obama instead of dissipate because Americans are really afraid of black people.  When hands might have… oops!… slipped over to the right in the voting booths by accident, maybe now that one of this nation’s eminence gris has spoken, a steadiness will set in and fear will be allayed.

Of course, this loyal citizen would never consider parlaying this political favor into some peachy post in the Obama administration.  However, far be it from me to refuse my Commander in Chief should he come a’knockin’.  I’ll just say this:

UNBRIDLED BIGOTRY

Occasionally, we’d grouse about how our primary didn’t matter.  But, we couldn’t say much.  Kentucky is a small state and isn’t exactly representative of the whole country. 

Well, we’ve had our moment.  The eyes of the political world were on us for an entire news cycle.  The hyper-scrutiny of the 24-hour news age we’re in put us in the limelight like we enjoy only on the first Saturday in May.  More so, really.  Most people– even here– don’t know or care about horse racing beyond the parties with their b-list celebrities. 

This time, we were Iowa.  We were New Hampshire.  We were Florida during the recount.  We mattered, even though the elephant in the room– Hillary’s doom– was successfully pushed aside by her storyline that it’s actually the popular vote that makes her still relevant.  Chris Matthews actually took on a reverent quietude as he awaited our decision.

So, how did we do, Kentucky?  Well, we went big for Hillary Clinton.  That’s ok, I guess.  As with the Civil War, when we waited out almost the duration of the war before siding with the secessionists, we seem to prefer the lost cause.  There’s something romantic about that that I can appreciate.  I’m a little bit the same way.

But, yesterday?  Yesterday, we didn’t look Julep-sipping-magnolia-sniffing-romantic.  We looked completely backward.  The salient fact of the event– the one most often puzzled over by a rightfully bewildered punditry– was the brazenly racist motive behind much of Hillary’s support.  Barack Obama gave the state short shrift, and that may have been a mistake that he will even admit this morning.  It’s easy to forgive the calculation that he shouldn’t waste so much time and treasure for a state that isn’t very likely to see things his way.  It might have been right to ignore this state and put himself in a more agreeable crowd for the post-primary speechifying. 

Kentuckians, by a strong minority, came right out and told pollsters that they weren’t going to vote for Barack Obama because he is black.  No blinking or shrinking.  I guess maybe there’s something to admire about that kind of brutal honesty.  But, south of the Mason Dixon line, we condemn yankees for that kind of blunt crassness.  I guess we don’t mind it in ourselves if it’s for a good cause.

The newspeople didn’t miss this, either.  I watched MSNBC’s coverage some of the night and Chris Matthews seemed genuinely stunned.  He asked every guest and co-host on the show about what it means that so many people will not even try to hide their racism and that they have somehow found common cause with Hillary Clinton who wouldn’t seem to be the choice for the benighted, even if her late-campaign rhetoric has gotten even more desperate and brain-dead as her campaign’s days dwindle down to a precious few. 

I am more interested in what it means for Kentucky.  Maybe we were better off out of the spotlight before the brutal facts of our sad demographics were made known to the world:   second highest poverty rate in the country; mostly white; few citizens with a college education (especially compared to our dance partner for the night, Oregon).  We haven’t gotten this kind of attention since the Kennedys came through to see what poverty and ignorance look like for themselves, like going to the zoo to see animals from another continent.

Puts a different spin on Unbridled Spitit, don’t it?